


Love Will Keep Us Alive

by Lys ap Adin (lysapadin)



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Songfic, possible fangirl japanese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-04-22
Updated: 2000-04-22
Packaged: 2017-10-03 21:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lysapadin/pseuds/Lys%20ap%20Adin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love sustains you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Will Keep Us Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Painfully old fic, reposted for the sake of archiving it. Original author notes below; some bits may be redacted for the sake of the author's dignity.
> 
> \---
> 
> And here's the fic I worked up tonight as a break from homework. It's a pairing that I don't normally work with--and doesn't get much attention. Just thought I'd warn you, since it's still essentially uncharted territory for this hentai fanchick. GW ain't mine. "Love Will Keep Us Alive" belongs to the Eagles. Don't sue me. You'll get pocket lint. Um, sorta spoilerish, maybe? OOC probably. Strange writing, in my opinion. Not quite my usual. Oh well. 'Nuff of this babble.

//I was standing

All alone against the world outside//

 

It was funny just how alone he had been ... before. He hadn't needed anyone or anything. It had been just him and his gundam. Together, they were enough to destroy OZ and free the colonies. He hadn't needed comrades. They were nothign but a hindrance to the mission...

Companions... were dangerous. One became attached to them. One allowed walls erected against extraneous damage to fall down. Soldiers couldn't afford such potential vulnerabilities to be exploited.

Then... all his notions of perfection--of infallability--had come crashing down with an exploding shuttle and a destroyed gundam. He wasn't perfect. He wasn't made out of gundamium.

He needed people, too.

 

//You were searching

For a place to hide//

 

I can't remember a time when I haven't been hiding.

There have been very few times in my life that weren't unpleasant... I'd like very much to forget most of my memories.

Given their content, is it any wonder that I seek to protect myself from being hurt further? Whether as an anonymous performer or in a place where no one would ever be able to touch me again... hiding is hiding.

I'm still not sure what made me retrieve his battered, broken body. Maybe I believed he deserved a proper burial. Maybe I hoped that things weren't yet at an end for the gundams and their colonies. Maybe it was just the same impulse that makes me tend to any stray, wounded animal.

 

//Lost and lonely

Now you've given me the will to survive//

 

He had failed--utterly. In his mission, and even in self-destructing. And there seemed to be absolutely no reason to carry on. At least, that's how it had seemed when he first woke up.

The other pilot was unlike anyone he had ever known. Quiet, seemingly reluctant to speak unless for a good reason. Direct in his actions.

He hadn't ever been adept at understanding himself, much less other people. Thus his companion presented him with an almost unfathomable mystery. Traveling from place to place with the other pilot, seeking atonement for wrongs perpetrated, he found himself unconsciously studying the other... trying to figure him out.

Somewhere along the way, he stopped thinking about dying.

 

//When we're hungry... Love will keep us alive//

 

Taking care of a moody, eternally gruff, self-destructive gundam pilot is not an experience that I'd care to repeat often. I suppose there could have been worse patients. I just don't ever want to meet one.

At the same time, despite the irritation he managed to inspire in me, I came to like him. And admire him. When the time came, *he* was able to make appropriate decisions and execute them.

And when he made a mistake, he was man enough to admit it and ask for forgiveness.

People like that are rare.

That's probably when I first began to fall for him.

 

//Don't you worry

Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride//

 

He frets sometimes, even now. It's funny to watch him stew and fume and silently worry until he's about to explode. It's impossible for him to entirely let go of his need to be in charge--to control the situation.

I'm the one who reassures him that it'll work out. We have to believe that, or what else have we been fighting for?

 

//The world is changing

Right before your eyes//

 

The mission was to stop OZ--and to secure peace for earth and the colonies. So why was it so frightening to see it all changing? And it wasn't only the politics that were changing, either.

How had it happened that he had come to depend on the other? It was strange, unexpected... unstoppable.

There was a lurking thought gnawing at him that this wasn't quite the way things were supposed to resolve themselves. The war hero and the princess were supposed to fall in love, ne? Not the two war heroes... Granted, his education was a little sparse when it came to affairs of the heart, but even he could recognize the oddness of it all.

And yet--he couldn't make himself turn away.

It had felt like losing a part of himself to see the other mobile suit take the brunt of an energy blast meant for him.

That feeling had scared him more than anything else he had ever known.

 

//Now I've found you

There's no more emptiness inside//

 

For a very long time, I regarded myself as nothing. Worthless. Something cheap, to be used and thrown away. Even piloting was like that, only to a greater degree. There was no mission for me, no sheer joy and thrill in flight, no hope for a better tomorrow, no ideal to uphold. The nearest sense I had was that perhaps, in piloting--it would end, and I wouldn't have to be used ever again.

Why was it different with him? What made it giving myself to him rather than being taken? Why does he, of all people, save me from the emptiness inside? I don't understand the logic of it... but I welcome it nonetheless.

 

//When we're hungry... Love will keep us alive//

 

There was something phenomenal about how he was able to feel. No explanations of how it could happen that the two of them could connect during the chaos of a war. He couldn't fathom the comfort to be found in being able to hold a warm body at night and being able to count on staunch support during the day. It was completely foreign to let someone become so close... So why had he allowed it?

He didn't even know when the word love had crept into his vocabulary.

 

//I would die for you

Climb the highest mountain

Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do//

 

A long time after it happened, he asked me why I had thrown my suit between him and Wing Zero. Why had I offered up my own life as a sacrifice for his?

The truth is, even I didn't know at the time. During that moment in battle, there was the choice between friend--and lover. And I chose him.

I think then was when I first *knew* I loved him.

 

//Now I've found you

There's no more emptiness inside

When we're hungry... Love will keep us alive//

 

Foolishness that it should hurt so much to see another soldier fall in battle. Nonsense that he should feel so lost without him. Childish delusion to hope that he'd somehow survived the blast and was still out there. Idiocy to waste time and resources on searching. And yet...

And yet...

And yet there had been peace when he'd been found. Peace within, and a strange kind of joy. And a feeling of warmth, and protectiveness previously unknown.

He hardly dared to admit it... even to himself... but, maybe, this was love?

 

//I would die for you

Climb the highest mountain

Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do//

 

He's pulled his own share of crazy stunts, too... Some couples demonstrate love with flowers and candy. We try to get ourselves killed for each other. Fortunately, I think we've progressed past that... I think we both know now how much we need each other.

 

//I was standing

All alone against the world outside//

 

How had he lived before? He didn't know. In retrospect, it all seemed so unnecessarily isolated. Pointless. It was really amazing that he hadn't suffocated in the vacuum that had surrounded him back then.

 

//You were searching

For a place to hide//

 

What was different about him? I figured it out eventually. With him, I didn't need to hide. He came from a background that left its own marks on him. He understood what it was to feel as I did. And, unlike some might have--he didn't care about what had happened previously.

 

//Lost and lonely

Now you've given me the will to survive//

 

He realized, finally, just how misguided he had been to live solely for the mission. It had taken the passive generosity of another scarred sould to make him see, but--he had finally found the real reason for living.

 

//When we're hungry... Love will keep us alive//

 

I never thought I'd have a reason to look forward to the new days and the future. I'm immensely grateful, though, that I've found one.... and I'll never stop being amazed that we found love.

 

//When we're hungry... Love will keep us alive//

 

He had never expected to outlive the war. Soldiers have no purpose outside fighting, after all. But... he had found a new purpose in living. A new mission, as it were...

He smiled.

Ryoukai.

 

//When we're hungry... Love will keep us alive//


End file.
